Rules to help you count your blessings — not political points

With bitter and/or scared feelings on one side of the political spectrum and maybe just a little bit of gloating and glee on the other, Thanksgiving has the potential to be explosive rather inclusive, more fight than feast.

We can, of course, be Thanksgiving originalists (which is a little sad as with no ovens or sugar there were likely no good desserts), and celebrate the pilgrims and “the Indians” sitting down together, but unless we are planning to wind up in a trail of tears of our own, that might get political when followed to it’s historical conclusions as well.

On second thought, that is a theme likely best not delved into too deeply this year.

So you’ll likely need some ground rules: No turning the children’s handprint turkeys into mini-Trumps, and an absolute ban on referencing Elizabeth WarrenElizabeth WarrenWarren, Democrats urge Trump to back down from veto threat over changing Confederate-named bases OVERNIGHT DEFENSE: Joint Chiefs chairman says he regrets participating in Trump photo-op | GOP senators back Joint Chiefs chairman who voiced regret over Trump photo-op | Senate panel approves 0B defense policy bill Trump on collision course with Congress over bases with Confederate names MORE as Pocahontas.

That settled, here are some tips on sitting down with relatives who may not be politically like-minded, and for enjoying Thanksgiving — or at least getting through it:

A “No Politics” Rule

As Linus said in the Peanuts cartoon, “There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people … religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin.”

Unfortunately, even those who preach peace, love and understanding tend to lack any for those with disparate political viewpoints. It is easy to polarize after this election, one where civility went out the window early and we were left with more insult than innuendo, more accusation than insinuation.

This election got direct and confrontational, but we don’t have to in it’s wake. If you are a guest, refuse to engage — agree to disagree, change the subject or walk away. If hosting, make it clear early that you would prefer no discussion of politics.

Let it be the elephant in the room. Better than being the ass.

2. Don’t Try to Sneak it In Anyway

If your tradition is to go around the table and say what you are thankful for, go with health and happiness or something personal.

“That we are not going to have to deal with that Muslim Socialist in the White House anymore” or “That thieving lying Hillary didn’t become president” is not in the inclusive and politically neutral spirit we are striving for here.

Similarly, sulking “Nothing, we’ve lost everything now that Trump is appointing white supremacists to the cabinet and stripping us of our rights” doesn’t get you there either.

It might be helpful to remember that right now, this is just one election. Thanksgiving 2020 might look very different.

3. Stay Off of Social Media

If you manage to hold it together when cousin Fred pushes “The Art of the Deal” into your hands as you kiss him hello, but post about it on Facebook from the bathroom five minutes later, that post is likely to be seen imminently by everyone else surreptitiously checking their phones.

Just turn it off. So much on social media is inflammatory right now, and as imperative as searching “young Joe BidenJoe BidenHillicon Valley: Biden calls on Facebook to change political speech rules | Dems demand hearings after Georgia election chaos | Microsoft stops selling facial recognition tech to police Trump finalizing executive order calling on police to use ‘force with compassion’ The Hill’s Campaign Report: Biden campaign goes on offensive against Facebook MORE” seems, it’s a bad idea to go to your phone at all. If you are a guest, leave the phone in your coat pocket. And if you are hosting, cut the wifi.

It’s a step in the right direction, even if all it does is slow response time.

4. Two Drink Maximum Rule

What sounds innocuous or clever after one drink may sound very different after two or three. To prevent tempers from flaring and political and personal fracas from erupting, lay off the Wild Turkey.

5. Friendsgiving

If it all seems too much for you, take a year off. Beg off of the family celebration and invite like-minded friends to celebrate or commiserate with you. Better to preserve the peace with an avoidant “Friendsgiving” than let family divisions erupt into “Slapsgiving.”

No matter how you try to avoid it, you may be cornered by someone who has a perspective you find annoying or offensive — or faced with a glut of them. Practice empathy. Understand that we all likely want the same things: health,safety, love, family, peace, accomplishment and prosperity.

Differing political opinions (or religious practices, for that matter) are just the different roads we see taking us there. We may not always agree on the directions, but we are all trying to get to the same destination.

Remember that blood is thicker than pipelines, that real diversity includes political diversity and diversity of opinion, and that Thanksgiving is about looking around the table and giving thanks for everyone and everything that we have, not everything we want or wish for.

Take a deep breath, walk outside if you need to and feel the breeze and look at the sky, and remember how lucky we all are.

Zirin-Hyman is an attorney and freelance writer in the New York area.

The views expressed by contributors are their own and not the views of The Hill.

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